Anger management Auckland

Anger management Auckland

With Anger Management Auckland I regularly see clients at either site in Birkdale or in Remuera due to this being such a major theme and common issue.  Often clients come to Counselling and speak about want to 'control anger'. The key thing in Counselling which is important is to remember that we do not in fact try to 'control our anger'. Trying to control an emotion is what leads to it becoming trapped and distorted and coming out at points in a way which may not be appropriate. It is important rather to look at the ways we 'manage our emotions' and in particular 'manage our anger'.

Anger is often a frowned upon emotion as seen as something we should control or in some way try to curb. Whereas abuse is always wrong there is nothing wrong with the feeling of anger or any other feeling. Throughout my work with clients working on this issue we often speak of anger to be seen like it is at the start of a hill. If you picture a hill and on one side of the hill there is anger which is absolutely fine. Any feeling of anger is okay, it's healthy and is nothing to be concerned about. An emotion like any other which is to be managed and used constructively. Anger can build however and if not managed well can go up over the hill and down the slippery slope of the other side and turn into abuse which is never okay.

In Counselling sessions we often look at this analogy and then work with the feeling of anger. I often emphasise constantly how the feeling of anger is absolutely fine and encourage clients to bring whatever anger they have to the sessions so we can work with it. Clients often feel enraged and notice how outside of sessions in the real world they are triggered by the smallest things. Exploring the emotions and what these things that trigger them remind them of can be key to getting to the root of the anger and rather than it become our enemy, be our friend we can embrace as part of our lives.

Anger can often be mixed with other strong emotions. Sometimes self therapy exercises such as writing or actual rigorous exercise and keeping an overall healthy balance can help us to keep our emotions well regulated. Through working with our emotions in therapy we can come to a state of greater balance. If we picture someone carrying buckets, one on each side, on a piece of wood over their shoulders. In the case of anger management we are often stumbling around and the water (symbolising our emotions) is pouring out and going all over the place. Through accepting where we are at and that there is an issue with the emotions pouring out and perhaps becoming abusive, we are able to create routines and explore the emotions to become happier and more balanced. Cognitive behavioural therapy can also help here in moving forward to make goals for the future.

The key thing here is always acceptance acceptance acceptance.  Do not feel like Counselling will make you less passionate or take your strong emotions away.  If you have issues with anger rest assured that with Anger management Auckland I will only be encouraging you to bring all these strong emotions to session.  With the right nurturing these can be chanelled to support you to create the life you want.

Healthy shame

Shame is an issue which constantly comes up in Counselling and Therapy sessions.  I have always found the book 'Healing the Shame that binds you' a great recommendation to clients to give an overview of shame can dominate our lives and stop our healthy connection with our authentic selves.

Shame is often described as being 'the master emotion'.  See this blog entry here which describes the power of shame and how it can control us.

Healing the shame that binds you gives a great distinction between healthy shame and toxic shame.  A healthy sense of shame is seen to be very healthy and very desirable to the human condition.  This is identified as the attitude of 'I made a mistake'.  It is often related to the healthy inner child and the idea of falling over or making a mistake and then getting back up and carrying on again and giving things another go.

Through upbringing however or conditions which may not have been favourable to us in nurturing this this state we often instil an idea of 'I am a mistake'.  This is where the authentic self is abandoned and rather a false self takes over and plays a role to fit in with the dysfunctional family system.  This is said to be a shame based role.

Shirley Smith in her book 'Set yourself free' gives a good discussion of different shame based roles we may take on board in the family.  In a shame based role we have totally abandoned the authentic self and have taken on board an idea of shame of 'I am a mistake'.  These two polarities are often worked with in Counselling through support and nurturing to help the client work with what has happened and create the distinction within themselves of 'I made a mistake' versus 'I am a mistake'. 

Here is a link particularly in relation to healing the shame of the inner child.  Here is another link particularly for romance in relation to shame in approaching women.  Although some of the authors writing I do not agree with the discussion around shame in this context I found excellent as he relates it to a fear of rejection and again links back to Healing the Shame that binds you.

A good question to ask yourself is if you operate in an 'I made a mistake' or 'I am a mistake' modality and what are you going to do about it?

Healing the solar plexus

Recently I have become more aware of our solar plexus through my giving of Counselling and Therapy and through my own personal development and having some massage.

Reading about the solar plexus it is almost an exact focus of what Counselling work tends to focus on.  The quote below is from a site discussing the solar plexus.  The full site is here

'The solar plexus chakra represents our identity, or how we see and feel about ourselves. It is where your self-esteem, inner power and sense of responsibility originates.
Problems with this chakra arise from fear of our own identity or losing our identity. For example, the need to excessively control others or ourselves, inability to take responsibility for ourselves or others, criticism and judgment, poor decision-making ability, fear of failure, or feeling invisible or overlooked by others.
The challenge of this chakra is to develop your inner power by being honest and at peace with yourself.'

In Chinese Medicine this area is also referred to as the 'lower dantian' and being 'like the root of the tree of life.'.  See Wikipedia here.

I have found that massage in this area just below the rib cage can often bring physical and emotional release and greater sense of personal empowerment.

The following link  gives some great ideas for solar plexus relief.

It would seem to me that the solar plexus therefore is almost a very central theme that is worked on within Counselling and Therapy sessions.

Through the Counselling process, developing a compassion for ourselves and slowly reaching out and balancing the solar plexus the individual becomes more empowered and mobilised.  There are often themes of really outgrowing the past and realisations about the truth of a situation.  The true self can suddenly break through like a becoming colour experience and people may say things like 'I will never let that happen again!' or may suddenly open up a new part of themselves which is truer and more real than what went before.  It's like a new deeper self has been able to come through and get a grounding and stability and also a self respect and self love which wasn't there before.  It is an exciting breakthrough. 

When people have been abused or diminished in some way the experience can be particularly powerful.  The term 'releasing of the warrior' can be used to describe this sudden breakthrough and new stance the person is taking of themselves and their lives, their new found self respect.