Recently I have become more aware of our solar plexus through my giving of Counselling and Therapy and through my own personal development and having some massage.
Reading about the solar plexus it is almost an exact focus of what Counselling work tends to focus on. The quote below is from a site discussing the solar plexus. The full site is here
'The solar plexus chakra represents our identity, or how we see and feel about ourselves. It is where your self-esteem, inner power and sense of responsibility originates.
Problems with this chakra arise from fear of our own identity or losing our identity. For example, the need to excessively control others or ourselves, inability to take responsibility for ourselves or others, criticism and judgment, poor decision-making ability, fear of failure, or feeling invisible or overlooked by others.
The challenge of this chakra is to develop your inner power by being honest and at peace with yourself.'
In Chinese Medicine this area is also referred to as the 'lower dantian' and being 'like the root of the tree of life.'. See Wikipedia here.
I have found that massage in this area just below the rib cage can often bring physical and emotional release and greater sense of personal empowerment.
The following link gives some great ideas for solar plexus relief.
It would seem to me that the solar plexus therefore is almost a very central theme that is worked on within Counselling and Therapy sessions.
Through the Counselling process, developing a compassion for ourselves and slowly reaching out and balancing the solar plexus the individual becomes more empowered and mobilised. There are often themes of really outgrowing the past and realisations about the truth of a situation. The true self can suddenly break through like a becoming colour experience and people may say things like 'I will never let that happen again!' or may suddenly open up a new part of themselves which is truer and more real than what went before. It's like a new deeper self has been able to come through and get a grounding and stability and also a self respect and self love which wasn't there before. It is an exciting breakthrough.
When people have been abused or diminished in some way the experience can be particularly powerful. The term 'releasing of the warrior' can be used to describe this sudden breakthrough and new stance the person is taking of themselves and their lives, their new found self respect.
Tuesday 28 April 2015
Fighting for your happiness
As part of my ongoing professional development I was reading a book written about abusive relationships. Lisa E Scott has wrote two books. One of which is about women overcoming the narcissistic male and another for men overcoming the narcissistic female. There was a part which really stuck with me. It said about the feeling of anger and using that constructively. Anger can be misconstrued as being negative but provided it doesn't cross a barrier into abuse it is an empowering emotion which often clients are helped to access and feel in my therapy sessions. Accessing anger can be great to enable people to recognise their own boundaries and where they end and where someone else begins and can learn to feel responsible for their own emotions rather than looking after the emotions of others.
In recovery from an abusive relationship people often have all kind of messy emotions but anger can be quite a common central one. Anger over feeling they were used, not treated how they deserved, somehow used as a doormat. Often it can be particularly difficult if there isn't a closure too. When the partner or people around us simply were not the people we thought they were there is a gap created where we have an instinct where we want to get closure from the person and to understand why they treated us that way. Often the truth is simply that the person never was the person we thought originally which can be a difficult thing to deal with.
This anger left over can become our fighting instinct as the book said to 'fight for our happiness'. All this energy which went into trying to make the relationship work can now go into us. We can recognise that we can put ourselves first (a revelation for many in therapy). The grief of what was can be processed and this anger can go into our pursuits; our new gym classes, building new relationships, our new business ventures, our active meditation practice. Channelling anger into these things can be very empowering and knowing it is your energy now to use for you.
Often people want revenge but this is typically fruitless as a goal and is again another acting out of the victim role rather than a pushing through into our authentic selves. When feeling the need for revenge I find a healthy model of revenge can just be to feel your own happiness. Whatever happened in the past and whatever this person or people did, it didn't beat you. You came through it and look at you now.
In recovery from an abusive relationship people often have all kind of messy emotions but anger can be quite a common central one. Anger over feeling they were used, not treated how they deserved, somehow used as a doormat. Often it can be particularly difficult if there isn't a closure too. When the partner or people around us simply were not the people we thought they were there is a gap created where we have an instinct where we want to get closure from the person and to understand why they treated us that way. Often the truth is simply that the person never was the person we thought originally which can be a difficult thing to deal with.
This anger left over can become our fighting instinct as the book said to 'fight for our happiness'. All this energy which went into trying to make the relationship work can now go into us. We can recognise that we can put ourselves first (a revelation for many in therapy). The grief of what was can be processed and this anger can go into our pursuits; our new gym classes, building new relationships, our new business ventures, our active meditation practice. Channelling anger into these things can be very empowering and knowing it is your energy now to use for you.
Often people want revenge but this is typically fruitless as a goal and is again another acting out of the victim role rather than a pushing through into our authentic selves. When feeling the need for revenge I find a healthy model of revenge can just be to feel your own happiness. Whatever happened in the past and whatever this person or people did, it didn't beat you. You came through it and look at you now.
Sunday 26 April 2015
Living in colour ?
A few weeks ago I really enjoyed watching the movie 'Pleasantville'. The movie portrays a TV show set in 50's America where everything is all totally safe and well 'pleasant'. Nothing bad ever happens, roles are conformist, the basketball team always wins, there's no such thing as fire and the fire service just rescues cats from trees, couples sleep in separate beds.
In the movie two people in modern day are sucked into the show and their influence causes things to change and minds to open up. It sounds corny and it is in a way but the people start to change to colour as they open up new parts of themselves which weren't apparent to them before. One of the main characters played by Toby Maguire changes to colour as he stands up to a gang of guys hassling a woman. His sister played by Reese Witherspoon, the kind of cool bad ass girl in modern day turns colour as she protects a book she proclaims is the only book she's ever read.
This reminded me of the therapeutic process and times in my own life when things have become blocked for a period of time then suddenly something happens and there's a breakthrough and I'm free. A pain starts to come out and something else opens and there are new possibilities or new ways to see something that seemed such a problem before. The inauthentic self is typically rigid. It's bound and confined to living to outer conditions imposed on us. It is a putting on a front and pretending, a role based life. The authentic self is free and Carl Rogers uses a term I love, 'fluid'. This freer self is forever open to possibilities and living a life which is more risky in the sense it is constantly open to experience and of growth and change. It is constructive and forward moving. This part of myself I have always easily found and also so easily lost in bad times. Just now I'm really learning the importance of daily practices to keep myself centred and aware so I'm experiencing in colour.
Thursday 23 April 2015
Grief and finding closure
Kubler Ross first developed the notion of the five stages of grief in her work around patients who were terminally ill in 1969. These stages can be used in dealing with any type of ending and are seen in my work with clients. The following is a link to discuss Kubler Ross' stages with particular application to the end of a relationship.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-out/201309/the-5-stages-grieving-the-end-relationship
It is important to remember that the stages are not linear and people will typically move up and down the stages before ideally coming to a state of acceptance.
I find key things that often come up with clients moving through this process is an issue of closure and the appropriate management of anger.
Closure is quite closely linked with the stage of being in denial where we may not fully believe what has happened. In addition to this though it can become more problematic whereas we are grieving for a lost relationship such as the death of a loved one or even a disappearance of someone whereas a conversation cannot take place to find a closure to be able to move on.
Here letter writing can be a particularly therapeutic experience. This is not to ever be sent to the person (should they be around) but as a cathartic exercise to get out everything you want to say and to connect with any kind of anger inside also to be able to let it go and to be able to move on. Sometimes clients practice this whereas they write 3 letters in total with one being very cathartic, the second being calmer and a third one become a more casual normal engagement almost. Sometimes I talk with clients about the letters or sometimes the third one can even be some start point for future engagement with the person they have lost romantically should it be that type of relationship.
It is important that anger is used as a constructive force and does not seep into abuse which is always a danger. We can view this as anger being on one side of a hill and being totally fine and building up with a potential slippery slope which falls into abuse which is always wrong. The key here is to intervene before slipping down the slope. See my blog post about 'fighting for your happiness' which is about using our anger constructively to help us to keep moving on.
If you have been in a relationship with an abuser then some sort of therapeutic support could be helpful to aid your working through. There can be additional issues here of working with this process whereas the person was simply not who you thought. In the therapeutic process I have found it powerful to work with clients in the letter writing process to actually write a letter as if it is coming back from the person who has caused the pain and giving some closure. It may sound silly but this can support healing and allow a letting go to take place on a deeper level.
Keeping a regular routine around eating, sleep and exercise and also a daily connection such as meditation or morning pages can be helpful to support people through. Mindfulness is also something which is gaining popularity.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-out/201309/the-5-stages-grieving-the-end-relationship
It is important to remember that the stages are not linear and people will typically move up and down the stages before ideally coming to a state of acceptance.
I find key things that often come up with clients moving through this process is an issue of closure and the appropriate management of anger.
Closure is quite closely linked with the stage of being in denial where we may not fully believe what has happened. In addition to this though it can become more problematic whereas we are grieving for a lost relationship such as the death of a loved one or even a disappearance of someone whereas a conversation cannot take place to find a closure to be able to move on.
Here letter writing can be a particularly therapeutic experience. This is not to ever be sent to the person (should they be around) but as a cathartic exercise to get out everything you want to say and to connect with any kind of anger inside also to be able to let it go and to be able to move on. Sometimes clients practice this whereas they write 3 letters in total with one being very cathartic, the second being calmer and a third one become a more casual normal engagement almost. Sometimes I talk with clients about the letters or sometimes the third one can even be some start point for future engagement with the person they have lost romantically should it be that type of relationship.
It is important that anger is used as a constructive force and does not seep into abuse which is always a danger. We can view this as anger being on one side of a hill and being totally fine and building up with a potential slippery slope which falls into abuse which is always wrong. The key here is to intervene before slipping down the slope. See my blog post about 'fighting for your happiness' which is about using our anger constructively to help us to keep moving on.
If you have been in a relationship with an abuser then some sort of therapeutic support could be helpful to aid your working through. There can be additional issues here of working with this process whereas the person was simply not who you thought. In the therapeutic process I have found it powerful to work with clients in the letter writing process to actually write a letter as if it is coming back from the person who has caused the pain and giving some closure. It may sound silly but this can support healing and allow a letting go to take place on a deeper level.
Keeping a regular routine around eating, sleep and exercise and also a daily connection such as meditation or morning pages can be helpful to support people through. Mindfulness is also something which is gaining popularity.
Tuesday 14 April 2015
Morning pages as a therapeutic exercise
Since being a client in Counselling 13 years ago I always found writing to be a good daily connection exercise. I did it constantly at points but at other times lost it. It was in the last couple of months though I really connected with the idea from 'The Artists Way' by Julia Cameron to actually do 'morning pages' where you write every morning as a real ritual.
I've been doing it on my laptop where each morning before anything else I get my laptop out and just write consistently for 20 minutes. I set my alarm 20 minutes early just for it. The book actually says to write 3 pages but I've enjoyed 20 minutes personally since this is the time spent in meditation which usually puts the brain into the therapeutic alpha state and I think of writing as being a meditation in its own right in terms of encompassing a focus and a relaxation. I'm not sure whether the brain goes to alpha brain waves but what I find is just a general clearing out. The idea is to just write whatever you are feeling, or noticing.... just like a stream of consciousness coming from the gut and your intuitive guidance. Maybe if something happened the night before which was funny or annoying or whatever... It doesn't matter... you just write that thing which is first on your mind and just let it flow from there. I've found it amazing as it has lead to constructive decision making, processing of emotions and just a general clearing up and a kind of self soothing too. I'd recommend people to try it. In The Artists Way it speaks of an unlocking of our creativity which this exercise as a kind of central thing to be doing.
People sometimes report life changing impacts from doing this for 12 weeks.
How has this worked for you? Would you ever try this? What self connection exercises do you find helpful? Would you try a 12 week challenge of doing morning pages ?
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